The Real World

Top 10 things I wish were really real

  1. Chocolate flavored kale.
  2. A giant rubber roller that would roll over me and “express” all of my farts and bloating (this excess air would then be used to power cars or something).
  3. That when I accidentally touch my dog’s tongue, it didn’t mean I’ve also technically touched her butt with my tongue.
  4. That Donald Trump was only a GIF, and nothing more.
  5. I wish I had a giant suit that made parts of me invisible when I am MEGA BLOATED.
  6. That I could induce wretched farts upon anyone that annoys me–see, I don’t need a gun!
  7. Track housing would be illegal. I HATE YOU MIDWESTERN SUBURBAN HOUSES!
  8. That pizza was nutritionally the same as kale and beets.
  9. My dog would never die, or at least die the same time as me so then we could die together–either from natural causes, well one of us from suicide I suppose.
  10. And my top thing I think about all the time is two worlds. One of them “real” and the other you try things out but can’t because of all those stupid “real world” consequences.

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