Top 10 things I wish were really real
- Chocolate flavored kale.
- A giant rubber roller that would roll over me and “express” all of my farts and bloating (this excess air would then be used to power cars or something).
- That when I accidentally touch my dog’s tongue, it didn’t mean I’ve also technically touched her butt with my tongue.
- That Donald Trump was only a GIF, and nothing more.
- I wish I had a giant suit that made parts of me invisible when I am MEGA BLOATED.
- That I could induce wretched farts upon anyone that annoys me–see, I don’t need a gun!
- Track housing would be illegal. I HATE YOU MIDWESTERN SUBURBAN HOUSES!
- That pizza was nutritionally the same as kale and beets.
- My dog would never die, or at least die the same time as me so then we could die together–either from natural causes, well one of us from suicide I suppose.
- And my top thing I think about all the time is two worlds. One of them “real” and the other you try things out but can’t because of all those stupid “real world” consequences.